Today will be the day that I get my life back on track. Here we go! Good day at work…now for a nice 12 mile ride tonight.
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And so it really begins. Over the last four weeks I’ve had a lot of changes in my life. After losing my job I’ve had a tough time picking myself up and dusting myself off.
Yet today is different. I’m not sure why…but it is. I’m attending a conference where there are a lot of job contacts. Unfortunately there aren’t too many jobs in NWA, but all over Arkansas. However, I feel good. With resume and cover letters in hand I’m ready to meet these possible supervisors and employers. Here I come. Yes, with renewed spirit I am job hunting. It just helps to actually talk to someone with positions available. They might not want to hire me, but at least I can TALk to them. And that is one of my strong suits. Or weakness.
Gumption and tenacity are the words of the day. Here I come employers, friends and people I can help. Don’t miss out on this opportunity. It’s only going to be available for a little while before I’m snatched up.
So here I am months after I started this blogging thing and I’ve realized. KOLIN IS RIGHT. Darn it. I go into things full steam ahead and then fizzle out. Rather quickly.
How do I change that? Well here are my latest reasons for not being so “enthused”. This job hunt thing. It’s starting to get me down. I’m looking, and applying, and talking, and networking and WAITING. Also I’m working really hard to lose some weight. When K and I get married I don’t want fat pictures. I’ve been down in the dumps.
But that should also mean that I have all the time in the world to do the things I want. Like get skinny and exercise. Or write a paper on what interests me. Or do this blog! But no, I sit around and watch TV.
No more resolutions, no more new goals. I have pictures of me on my dresser of when I was looking good….so that should be enough inspiration. And I have jobs in mind that I really want. Again…inspiration. But I’m not going to say, here’s what I need to do. I’m just going to do it.
Each day is a new day to practice what I’m trying to do. Not necessarily do it….just try and do it. So if I miss a day here or there of blogging, or exercising, that’s ok. I just need to pick myself up and try again tomorrow.
But today is not tomorrow and tomorrow will keep coming. So today I try. I’ll let you know how it works out.
I can’t believe that I’ve already taken a break from this blog adventure. Maybe it’s because when I get home from work that I’m just exhausted, so I don’t want to have to think- AT ALL. No, that can’t be it…because I’m not really thinking when I write this. I just write it. (not sure if that’s the best idea in the world, but oh well).
My fiance would probably say he’s not surprised because I don’t really ever finish things. I HATE that he is right, but it looks like he is. Again, I go in with the best intentions in the world, but somehow lose steam really quickly. I’ve often wondered if the whole self-motivation skill is something that can be learned…but then I gave up looking for ways to learn it. At this point it seems like I’m almost a lost cause. That I won’t be able to complete the tasks put in front of me. But wait….I’ve recently learned that this isn’t my fault…it’s part of my communication style. Yes, I went to a class/lecture/workshop about communication and the most interesting point was determining your communication style. As it turns out, I’ an Extravert/Socializer. Ok, so that really isn’t a huge surprise, but it did give me some insight. My behavior makes perfect sense. I’m the conceptualizer, not the planner or the “doer”. I like big pciture, not details.
In fact…I think I’m done with this for me. That’s how big picture I am. Forget the details. They get done…..eventually.
H
It’s been a few days since I blogged and I had to ask myself, why? Sadly, it seems that when confronted with the goals I have set fear starts to creep in. I only officially decided on three goals, yet I’m scared to death. Hmmmm.
Yet over the last few days other goals have been suggested. Either out of my own guilt or through subliminal messages from my honey. What are these other goals you ask? Ugh…alright, I’ll tell you.
- Get out of debt
- Grow in my professional career
- Become financially independent
- Become punctual
- Get up on time
Blah, blah, blah. Stuff many people think about, but never do. Am I one of the people I refer to? Surely not. But then again sometimes I become complacent. Ok, a lot of the times I become complacent. So how am I going to make sure I don’t get stuck in a rut? That’s where my friends and family come in. Willpower is not my forte. Neither is self motivations. Could I take a few minutes a day to live a healthier life? Sure. Will I? Ummm…..
So here’s where I have to decide my fate. Should I stay where I am or should I grow? It sounds like an easy question, but the answer is apparently easier said than done. I guess my only option is to take it one day at a time. People do this all the time. Whether struggling with sobriety or dealing with hoarding or other addictions, most times it’s a day by day struggle. Since I don’t have an addiction running my life, this should be cake. One day at a time. That’s the ticket.
How will I mount up a defense within myself to not be complacent? (I have to write this strategy out or I won’t be able to follow it). I WILL look at my goals every day and set a “baby-step” goal for myself within each of the goals. I WILL accomplish these baby step goals day-to-day. At the end of the week I WILL look back at what I’ve done so I can gauge how far I’ve come. And then I WILL reward myself within the scope of the goals. (That last one is something I can hop aboard of ASAP).
Unfortunately it’s a cloudy Sunday afternoon and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. Maybe tomorrow I’ll start on my goals.
Yesterday I thought I accomplished a pretty good little feat. I wrote down three real goals for myself. Have I started working on these yet? Surprisingly, yes! It might be a fluke, it might be because I now have my goals in black and white and I have something to strive for. I’m going for the former. The latter would just be too soon.
As I review my goals, I have to think…I’ve done alright. Three goals, and they seem to make sense. Kind of bizarre for me.
Find my passion, keep up with loved ones and live a healthier life. Again, not bad goals to have in my life.Three’s a good number…not too many (duh) and not too few (maybe bordering).
Throughout the day I thought, I need to finish my goals list. But as I sit down to write I start to second guess myself. What’s wrong with focusing on three goals. Once I accomplish these, I’ll move forward. But at the same time maybe this putting goals down in black and white will help me keep them in mind. As for my official goals, today I tried to make strides. What did I do you ask? Well last night I sent a few emails to family members I might not talk to all that frequently. Kolin and I also had a friend over for dinner tonight. (Right at this moment she is sitting on the couch unsuspecting of what I write.) Easy way out. Sure. Will it do. Absolutely.
So as for one of the goals- keeping up with the ones I love- I say I’m A-O.K.
Here’s where I start to fidget. The living a healthier live goal and the find my passion life. I actually thought about the goals today. Baby steps I say. Maybe my passion will end up be writing. Too soon to say. I also thought (out loud through a conversations with my dad) that maybe helping people is my passion. I do love it. Volunteering is just something that was bred into me. When I was little I remember volunteering with my mom and the Cystic Fibrosis camp. It was great. Over the years I always continued to volunteer and to help people. Maybe it’s because I have a sensitive heart. Ask the mom. She’ll tell you the story of me and my friends trying to raise money for our P.E. teacher (Ms. Denison from Hyer) when it was stolen out of her office. I think I was 7 or 8. My heart just goes out to people in need. Does is sometimes backfire? Sure. Is it worth it? You bet. Helping others is awesome. It’s continues to be a priority in my life to this day. I volunteer on committees, sponsor kids around Christmas, work through the United Way…many things. But is it my passion? I guess time will only tell. Hey, at least I thought about finding my passion today.
Oh boy. This one is going to hurt. Living a healthier life. Yikes. So far today, no physical exercise. However, maybe living a healthier life includes learning how to manage my stress levels. Yes! That I did today. For some reason today I came to the realization that I can only do what I can do. At the office no less! Yay for me, right? Should I take on more that I know I can accomplish simply because I feel guilty. No! Should I be able to say no to things I don’t want to do. Why not?
Not only did I have my “come to Jesus” moment about my stressful job and my overbooked calendar…but I took another step in the healthy living thing. I made a healthy dinner! Curried shrimp rolls, cabbage and fennel, peas and strawberries. Also I made a huge pot of chicken chipotle chowder. Ok, yes it has some half and half in it, but it could have been heavy cream. I could have used 8 tablespoons of oil to make the soup, but I used cooking spray and only 3 tablespoons to make that thickening roux. Again, I say baby steps are the way to go.
So holy moly. Three goals, three baby steps closer. I’m feeling pretty good. But this is only day two of my goals, so really this all might be premature excitement.
Now the conundrum. To add goals or to hold off? For the night I say forget it. Tomorrow is another day. I’m going to concentrate on what I have before me. More goals to come. But I can’t help but write a few of my ideas down to at least consider through the next few days. Don’t get upset if I don’t adopt any of these…it’s just for my consideration. And if you would like, your’s too. Send a comment my way. (However I’m still writing for myself, so now comments will actually be expected.)
So as I try to hash out my future goals I’ll throw them all in a pile and hopefully some will survive the fire. Travel more, get organized, stop being one of the “messies”, get my Spanish language skills back, pare down my life, and finally accomplish those tasks that I really need to get done. Whew. That was exhausting. I’m now officially worn out.
Until tomorrow.
And of course a picture to inspire.
So after much thought about why I started this blog…see the first post….I think I’ve finally figured out why I signed up for this adventure. Like many people, there are things in my life I want to accomplish. Maybe through this blog I can find a little accountability to myself. What I write is official. It’s out there in cyberland and its in black and white. Surely this will help me get some things done. Or not. Again, this is me we’re talking about. The girl with good intentions and tons of passion when I begin something, but not the best at following through or completing a task.
So what are my goals throughout this mini-adventure. I’m going to lay them out so I can refer to them and so they are written down.
Find my passion
Sure I like a lot of things. I love shoes, cooking, my family, traveling (like I have any money to do that), reading, hiking and camping and unfortunately watching TV. What do I do the most…sadly it’s watch TV. Hey, I’m good at it. All it requires is plopping down on your butt and grabbing a hold of that magical little remote and there’s always something on to watch. And I have a LOT of TV shows I like. Amazing Race, American Idol, Anything on HGTV or Food Network, all the FBI/DEA/CSI type shows. And throw in those sitcoms- How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men…really the list goes on and on. And I’ll never turn off a good rerun of Friends or Seinfeld. But is watching TV really how I want to spend my life? I don’t think so.
When I was younger I was very passionate about a few things. In high school I was a diver and a cheerleader. And I had passion. A crap-load of passion. I dove six days a week and loved it. Couldn’t get enough of it. And same with cheerleading. I’d get pissed when people on the squad didn’t take it seriously and goofed off. It was one of my “things”. But now? I got nothing.
So first goal is to find my passion.
What to be the second goal? Hmmm. I could put down a lot of things. Exercise more. Read more books with real meaning. Be better about picking up around the house. Cooking healthier. Keeping up with the people I love. Yes. That’s the one.
Second goal is to keep up with the ones I love.
So how to do that. I do a great job keeping in touch with my mother. In fact, she’s probably the only one reading this now. Thanks, Mom. We talk many times a week, sometimes several times a day. She’s the best. Cool, gives great advice, makes me laugh and puts me in my place when I need it. So that relationship I have covered. I’m pretty close with my father and my sister too. Sometimes we keep up through my mother, but we do chat at least once a week. It’s the my grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends I’ve lost over the years. I’ve been so fortunate in my life to have some wonderful people in my life. Friends all over the country and the world. They pop into my mind all the time. But do I tell them? Do I shoot them an email or give them a call or even send them a simple card? Yes, the second goal is to keep up with the ones I love.
Third goal is to live a healthier life. (I hate this goal, I hate this goal, I hate this goal)
I need to exercise more. A lot more. Over the years I have yo-yo’d with my weight. I know it’s something that many people do, but I hate it. Willpower is not a part of my vocabulary when it comes to my eating or exercising. So I have to MAKE it part of my vocabulary. I WILL lose weight. I WILL exercise. I WILL eat less and better.
The first step of living a healthier life isn’t so scary. It’s the continuing the rest of my life that I’m so terrified of. Therefore I need to find out why I’m so scared of changing my life? Why do I not want to better my lifestyle? I know it will bring me happiness. I’ll feel better about myself. Confidence will be coming out of my butt. I’ll have more energy and will want to do more things. It might even change my body so I can have kids. So again, WHY am I so scared????? Maybe I can find that out as I continue.
For today….three goals are plenty. As I start to accomplish these, I might add more. Then again, I might not. It’s just me.
H
Another picture for inspiration below. I guess this is just for me….
So I have a friend who has quite a popular blog. I thought to myself, that sounds fun. Not sure exactly what I got myself into. I always have these great ideas, but never quite finish them. Hopefully I can really stick with this. If not, don’t be mad. It’s just me.
Like for instance…the whole idea about losing weight. Great in theory…much harder in real life. But I do like to refer to the picture below for inspiration.
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